its not stalking. its research.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize