He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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