hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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