just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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