i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
