this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize