its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
