While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
