I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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