woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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