Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
