I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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