I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
