Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
