Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
