fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
