There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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