So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
