i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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