Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
