I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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