I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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