I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
