Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
