Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
