is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
