I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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