Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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