she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
