"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
