I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
