imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
