Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
