Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize