After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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