Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
