i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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