Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
