He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
