Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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