Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
