So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
