you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
