Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
