Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
