Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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