In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
