i just google imaged poop.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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