So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
