so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
