If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
