Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize