my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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