there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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