That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
