so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
