and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
