You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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