I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
