I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When did angry sex become our thing?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
