Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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