Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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