Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
