You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like a drive thru vagina
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
