Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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