Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
