Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude i'm inner monologue high
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
