I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
