Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
