I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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