Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
